I see a lot of kink noobies who haven’t got a clue when it comes to the BDSM world and therefore as you can imagine I get a tremendous amount of questions thrown my way that I feel my submissives should have the answers for before they see me or any dominatrix.  It can be a scary and daunting experience throwing yourself into the world of kink with not much prior knowledge, and a lot of the information out there isn’t as practical as you would think and mainly aimed towards lifestyle kinksters rather than newbies who just want to tip their toe in once in a blue moon. If you feel like you are one of these blue moon kinksters then this blog post is totally for you.

This blog is just advice so take what you want from it, as of course, some newbies are braver and more knowledgeable than others.

No sex – yes you heard me!

So you are already turned on by the fact that you will be in a room probably naked with an extremely hot dominatrix woman who will be dominating you and taking control. No matter how horny you are and how sexual and hot she is doesn’t mean you will get the opportunity to bone her. Dominatrices are hired for their skill and intellect and being able to occupy your submissive headspace as no other woman can. She can get under your skin, push your limits, and take you to those dark and wonderful places you love so much without any fear of her judging you. So, if you are looking just to get your rocks off you have come to the wrong place.

Happy endings – It happens… if you behave

On the coattails of the last point, I may add that although there is no sex involved with a dominatrix it does not mean you are unable to have an orgasm. Orgasms don’t always happen via a blow job, hand job or sex it can happen is sooooo many other ways. Ever heard of prostate orgasm? Milking machine orgasm? Ruined orgasm? Or even forced masturbation while mistress watches, it can be quite humiliating for you and extremely fun for her!

Know what you want and be clear

If you’re thinking of going to see a Dominatrix, it’s probably because you’ve got some kinky tendencies. There may already be a scenario or kink in your head that you would love to live out or explore further with a Dominatrix. Make sure that you make this perfectly clear on the booking form or that she knows exactly what you are looking for. If you are not sure and want to explore make sure you are clear on that but don’t forget to list your limits.

Compatibility with a dominatrix

Just because a dominatrix sells a BDSM service doesn’t mean she will want to see you or explore your kink with you. Normally you would fill out a booking form where you will list your kinks and interests etc. A good dominatrix will read that booking form, make note of your kinks and interests and see if it is in line with her interests as well. For example, if you are asking for facesitting sessions, where a dominatrix does not provide a facesitting service in her kink list then I would doubt she would want to see you. Just be aware that a dominatrix will not normally practice a kink she does not enjoy. The whole point of femdom is doing what she likes and what she enjoys not the other way around and BDSM is never a one-way street!

Your fantasies may not transfer well to reality

By this I mean, what you imagine in your head and the fantasies that you play out in your head behind closed doors may not be so hot when it’s played out in reality. For example, you may find being pegged by an extremely large dildo strapped to your Mistress a really hot idea as you have masturbated to this idea so many times in your head that you think it will be exactly how you imagined it when it’s played out in real. Please forget this idea, I have seen so many submissives who beg me to peg them with dildos the size of my leg during the session and when it comes to it they immediately change their mind and want to end the session and run for the hills. Although fantasies are great, it will never harm you to bring it back down to reality just so that the session can be a bit more realistic and that you can get the full enjoyment from it.

Dominatrices are human too.

I can’t stress how much of this is true. Submissive men crave a hot dominant, cruel, and controlling woman, yes, but it doesn’t mean we are like this 24/7. Albeit your fantasy, dominatrices are human just like you and we also have a life outside of this job and we do ‘regular’ things just like everyone else. By saying that, mistresses, dominatrices, sex workers or whatever you want to call us to have feelings too, we get tired, we get moody, and we get overworked. You can catch us on a good day or bad day or just a regular day. Whatever the weather, just be nice and respectful while you are in her space.

Cleanliness is godliness

Pegging is a huge request in my line of work and I love nothing more than entering a clean submissive. If you are not clean let alone your asshole then the session will end pretty much where it started. I’m not your caretaker, I’m not your mother, wife or girlfriend and I do not have to put up with any level of uncleanliness. A huge word of advice before you come and see me for a session, especially if it involves pegging or any anal play, is douche the hell out of your orifice. My dungeon has shower facilities for washing only, so please carry out the douching at home before your session. Being clean and presentable for me means that our level of play can be more intense and fun. It’s a no brainer.

Mean what you say or don’t say it at all

I get so many subs saying that they will commit as a full time submissive before/after the session and that they will session with me once a week and do ANYTHING FOR THEIR MISTRESS whenever I want. I can’t tell you how much of this smells like utter bullshit. Firstly, any submissive who is serious would have already gone over and above himself to please me before the start of the session and after it has ended. They would have made an extra tribute, they would have brought me a gift, or booked several BDSM sessions in advanced or offered a skill of theirs to enhance my business or improve my life. These are the real talkers, not the bullshitters. Whether you say you commit yourself to me for the rest of your life or not does make a difference. Just be honest and actions speak louder than words.

Discretion is key

Many a Dominatrix session from commercial dungeons, but there is a large percentage that has dungeons or BDSM play spaces within their private residential homes. The worst thing you could possibly do is blow a lid on a Domme’s play space and let all her neighbours know she is a dominatrix (some don’t mind, but I can imagine most do). When you enter her dungeon DO NOT SPEAK until the door is fully closed behind you and you are completely within the four walls, and that goes for when you are exiting.

Have your limits and safeword

A dominatrix is not here to harm you, she is here to empower you and help you live out your fantasies. List your limits, and a good dominatrix will be completely aware of them along with your safe word. A dominatrix will not laugh or scorn you for being weak and pathetic for having limits however restrictive they are. BDSM play is meant to be enjoyable and personal, and everyone has different levels of play and limits. Do not be afraid to voice them.